Banana Scoop

There’s a lot of fear in those eyes, but damn if they’re not absolutely stunning

I fall in love easily with fictional characters, so this list was incredibly easy to make.  I just took a look at the 12 shows I’m watching and picked some of the people I simply light up to when the show comes on.  Naturally, writing this article made me swoon [can men swoon?] and certainly feel feelings within me that I should be embarrassed to feel about fictional characters.  But I ultimately didn’t care.  Being single myself, these fictional women are all I have to care about.  They may not keep me warm at night, but they certainly know how to burn hours of my life with nothing to show for..

wait what?

Pretty Serious Spoilers from respective shows below!

The Walking Dead

Dexter

American Horror Story: Asylum

Tread Carefully at Your Own Risk

Maggie from The Walking Dead (Lauren Cohen)

Ever since Andrea lost her head and became the ‘slut of the show’s current bad guy’, Maggie has since then taken hold the of the title of ‘incredibly sexy zombie killer’.  Ever since her debut in the third season where she’s a part of the zombie prison dispatch team, she’s become absolutely incredible.  And incredibly sexy might I add.  While no one would wear tank tops like her in a zombie apocalypse, we’re not complaining as long as the writers aren’t stupid enough to get her bitten.

Also, I won’t discuss in detail about what happened on last night’s episode, “When the Dead Come Knocking”, but I wanted to strangle the Governor while yelling, “DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH A HAIR ON HER HEAD YOU F***”.

Yeah…the show is that good.  She is that good.  +10 points for dating Glenn, as an asian myself, I’m all up for a southern belle falling for an asian guy.

April Ludgate and Darius from Parks and Recreation and Safety Not Guaranteed (Aubrey Plaza)

The only one who isn’t completely a tv show character, Aubrey Plaza gets points for being April Ludgate in Parks and Darius in Safety. Both are exactly what I’d imagine her to be in real life, cold on the outside, warm on the inside, with a mean sense of sarcasm and dry humor.  All aspects I’m completely gaga for.  Aubrey has a wonderfully unique look about her and combining that with her ability to become Janet Snakehole at any moment is a solid win for me.

Also, did anyone not love Safety Not Guaranteed?  Gawd, that movie was amazing.

Grace from American Horror Story: Asylum (Lizzie Brocheré)

Let’s get freaky here.  Full disclosure, I almost put Sister Mary Eunice as this position as her crazy turn as a possessed nun.  I reassessed my initial idea when I tried to search for images and most of them included her saying she was the Devil and her being a bit of a hussy.  Then I realized that maybe I’m going a bit too far with that one.  But then I remembered the true beauty of the show.  Sweet, sweet, homicidal Grace.  She knows how to wield an axe, but at least I could get lost in those beautiful blue/gray eyes.  She’s very pretty for a lunatic and I’m a complete sucker for blue eyes, dark hair, and bangs.  If she axed me in the chest, it would be worth it for being a moment with her.

Also, what in the hell is going on at that Asylum.  Way too much kay-razy going on there.  Even for an asylum.

Jane from Happy Endings (Eliza Coupe)

Gun to my head and I had to choose a soulmate on this list, it would be Jane Williams from Happy Endings.  The new age Monica [and maybe even more deranged and OCD], Jane is absolutely my favorite gal on this list.  She’s so incredibly well written as a couple with Brad and is so perfectly executed by Eliza Coupe.  Apparently tazing her only makes her stronger, she’s constantly in sex costume for weird role-play with her husband, she’s neurotically organized, and she’s got a banging sense in fashion.

Every single episode of Happy Endings, I let out a ‘Oh Jane….’

Hannah McKay from Dexter (Yvonne Strahovski)

These last two aren’t exactly the first choices, but I’m still pretty cuckoo for cocopuffs for them.  Dexter’s new romance interest has quite a colorful past.  Very few times has Dexter let someone off his table after strapping them down and only once has he banged that person on the table after doing so.  She’s definitely a bad person for killing as many people as she has, but for some reason we root for her and Dexter.  My reason?  She’s incredibly gorgeous and adorable.  Her actual name is Yvonne Strahovski for gawd’s sake.  This Polish beauty has all the right Slavic/Eastern European combination of looks.

Will they kill Deb together?  That’d be quite the season saving twist in my opinion.

Morena Baccarin from Homeland (plays Jessica Brody)

This one is reversed from all the rest.  And for good reason too.  As I continue to try and catch up on Homeland (S2E2), Morena Baccarin’s character Jessica Brody is a bit of a pain in the ass.  However, Morena Baccarin (who was forever unforgettable as Inara from Firefly) is absolutely gorgeous in so many gawddamn ways.  So I’m putting her on this list because only Morena, not so much Jessica.  However, maybe by the end of season 2, she’ll redeem herself which I’ll gladly rewrite when I finally ‘catch up’ on Homeland.

I demand to know any crushes you might have on fictional characters.  I’ll judge if they’re truly worthy gentlemen.  If you’re a girl, feel free to post your male crushes.  Or even your female crushes.  I’ll clearly love one of them more than the other…